You're Not Fooling Anyone
by CupcakesOnMyConverse
Summary: "No one will be laughing at you when you are the biggest name on Broadway. You hope. But you are a really bad liar. You can't even fool yourself." There are two parts of Rachel, and she can't decide which is really her.


**AN: This is sort of a companion piece to 'Because You're Stupid', my oneshot about Brittany. It's basically the same format. I really enjoy writing like this, and I think I want to do this for as many characters as I can manage. I am working on one about Kurt that should be coming soon. Quinn is also in the works now, though hers is a little different than the other three. But I digress. So here's something to get you into the mindset of Rachel. Have fun, kids!**

You are Rachel Berry. You are talented. So talented, that your peers have ostracized you. At least, that's the reason that you give yourself when you're cleaning the slushie off your face and out of your hair. You tell yourself they're jealous. You tell yourself that high school only lasts four years, and then you can escape this hell, and live out your dreams. No one will be laughing at you when you are the biggest name on Broadway.

You hope.

You are a really bad liar. You can't even fool yourself.

You don't have friends. Not really. You tell yourself it's because of your spectacular voice that people are threatened, but that's an outright lie that you really can't make yourself believe. You don't have friends because you are too high-strung, high-maintenance, and too passionate for most people to handle. You've got your dads, and they are all you really need, you tell yourself. They love you. They want to see your name in lights almost as much as you do. But sometimes that's not enough.

You love your dads more than anything else in the world, but they just don't understand. They may know everything there is to know about fashion and interior design, but when it comes to being a teenage girl, Dad and Daddy are completely clueless.

When Mr. Shuester takes over Glee club, you are relieved. And when there's more than two people there on the first day, you are thrilled. No, these people aren't exactly the coolest kids in school, but they're people. People who are talented. Not nearly as talented as you, of course. Even though Mercedes' natural vocals scare you to death because she hasn't even taken one lesson, Mr. Shuester still picks you over her. You don't know why, but he does. Maybe its because he sees that singing is all you have.

When you sing, that's the only time that you feel safe. When you sing, you can forget that you go to a school where your talents are unappreciated and unrecognized. You can forget that people don't like you.

You aren't good at many things. Sure, you're pretty smart, your grades are as good as you can get them, and you are a part of every extracurricular that you can manage. But singing is the one thing that you know you're good at. It's the one time that you feel like people think of you as more than just the girl that has no friends and eats her lunch in the bathroom.

When you sing, you're confident, and funny, and have social skills. When you sing, boys like you and girls would kill to be your friend. When you sing, sometimes it feels like Finn could love you.

But as soon as you stop singing, the world comes back into perspective.

You're not as pretty or as appealing as his pregnant girlfriend.

You don't know how to act around people, let alone be a friend.

You've hardly spoken to a boy, let alone had a boyfriend.

Sometimes you feel like you're living a double life. There's times when you're **Rachel Berry** with the gold star next to her name. You're **Rachel Berry**, the girl you should be nice to because one day you're going to be upset when she doesn't invite you into her limo. You're **Rachel Berry.** who has killer vocals, and knows it too. You're **Rachel Berry**, who can sing and dance and put on one of the best shows that you've ever seen in your life. But then sometimes, you're _Rachel Berry_, the girl who inspired the slushie facial. You're _Rachel Berry_, the girl who is so lost and insecure in her own world that she has cut herself off from socialization to protect herself from embarrassment. You're _Rachel Berry_, who hides behind her big voice, and uses it to her advantage. You're _Rachel Berry_, the girl who is confused and alone that her repertoire is her only friend.

You don't want to be **Rachel Berry**. You don't want to be _Rachel Berry_. You want to be Rachel. Just Rachel, no gold stars, or any other embellishments. The hard part is that you don't really know who Rachel is.

Without **Rachel Berry**, you are nothing. Her confident demeanor and golden vocal chords define your life. But you know that you don't want to be like that all the time. Because _Rachel Berry _still defines a part of you that you can't get rid of.

Most of the time, it seems like _Rachel Berry_ wins.

_Rachel Berry_ makes you cry when you take a slushie to the face, staining your clothes and making your hair sticky and disgusting. Your dads can't save your favorite sweater from a huge purple stain, but that's not why you're so upset. You're upset because no one likes **Rachel **or _Rachel._

_Rachel Berry_ makes you fall in love with Finn, even though you know you can't have him. You're not as pretty or as perfect as his pregnant girlfriend. You fall for him, despite the fact that he hates both **Rachel **and _Rachel_.

_ Rachel Berry _makes you trust Finn anyway, makes you naïve, makes you believe that one day he'll leave Quinn for you, makes you believe that one day, he'll love you back.

But again, you're a really bad liar. You're not convincing anyone. Especially not yourself. Finn won't love you because he loves Quinn. He loves blonde, beautiful, perfect, smart, athletic, Cheerio, Quinn. Everything you aren't is what Finn loves about her. He loves her because for some reason, Quinn is special. _Rachel Berry _is not special.

However, **Rachel Berry**_ is_ someone special. No, **Rachel Berry **is someone spectacular.

But now you start to think you're losing your mind because you're referring to yourself in the third person more often than you should. Maybe that's because you've never really known who you are. You can't refer to yourself in the first person, because sometimes it doesn't make sense. **Rachel **and _Rachel _are a part of you, but they aren't you. They are their own separate entities. Ghosts of people that take over your person from time to time. You wonder what would be left if you took them both away. You don't know, and you don't see a point in trying to find out.

Until then, you decide to try to force these polar opposites together, because you have a feeling that might be who you are. Or maybe who you want to be. You wonder if they can't be the same thing. Until you figure these things out, the two parts of yourself, **Rachel **and _Rachel, _are just going to have to get along.

All you know is that you don't know anything at all, except for the fact that you have to stop lying to yourself. Because again, you're a really bad liar. You can't fool anyone. Especially not yourself.

**I am so much like Rachel that it scares me sometimes. Really. Except for me, it's writing, not singing. When I write about her and other characters, it doesn't make me feel so alone, if that makes sense. I don't know.**

**Again, this is based on "All the World is a Stage" by dream-of-belief.**

**Please review and let me know what you think!**


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